Wicked Witch of the West

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So here I’m talking about our old friend, jealousy, which stems from another old friend, insecurity.

Over the last fortnight particularly, I have been witness to repeated incidents of women being unkind to other women. What can I say? It shits me.

Why do we let ourselves get to the point where we allow our own insecurities, emotional state, moodiness, whatever, to project onto other, very often undeserving, people? How is that fair? Sometimes an off handed comment, a glance sideways, a sneer, directed at someone can have a major effect on that person without us even realising it.

Sure, that person is (subconsciously or consciously) making a choice of how they allow that behaviour to affect them but there is still no need to be unkind.

We have no idea about what kind of a day another person has had, where they come from, what their story is, yet without pausing to think, we quickly make up our minds about that person, on that very first perception and moreover, we proceed to act in that manner.

Are we really so wrapped up in ourselves and making sure we cover up our very own failings that we cannot pause and go, hey there other people other than me here! And they are people just like me! And they feel pain, and they have shit days, and they experience tragedy and joy just like I do! The mind boggles…

I am at a stage in my life where I am very comfortable with who I am, I do not need or seek out others’ approval. I know I still have much to grow and I’m happy with that. So, I like observing people and noticing how they react and why and things like that.

I went to a place recently where there were many people and I did just that. I saw people who felt obliged to behave in a certain kind of way because of the image they were trying to project but inside, you could tell they were tired, some were hurting, some were uncomfortable, some were quite shy…. See, I felt that, and as soon as I did, their behaviour was no longer relevant because it wasn’t the reality.

The blatant ignorance, the sly looks, the hushed whispers, the confused looks I personally receive mean nothing to me but if on the receiving end was someone who was vulnerable for whatever reason, they would run away in tears.

What about when you are starting a new job? And you are under constant scrutiny, because let’s face it, that’s the way it is. People are trying to make up their minds on who you are, if they like you, where you fit, if you are a threat. And then imagine that the very person training you for your position has decided they don’t like you. How difficult does that make things?

I was once employed with a company where this particular person did not like me for over two years. It was only towards the end, when we had to share an office and she got to really know me that she decided that she did like me after all.

If we judge everyone on first impressions fuelled by our own insecurities then how many opportunities will we have missed? And sadly, we won’t even be aware of it.

I know they say you should treat others like you would want them to treat you. I do not necessarily agree with that. We are all different and should be treated accordingly but let’s keep in mind that we are all human and we all have feelings and we all have our own stories.

Someone is not a threat to you because they are pretty and you have body image issues. Someone is not a threat because they have a happy disposition and you are feeling sad. Someone is not a threat because they have a degree and you don’t. See where I am going with this?

And us women are the worst at this. Men don’t notice nearly as many things as we do and they tend not to dwell on things and take things personally like we do.

What I don’t understand is that we ALL know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this behaviour yet we don’t think twice about dishing it out. WHY??? Does it make us feel any better? NO! Does it help anyone or anything? NO! Is it productive or constructive? NO!

How about we just, like, stop? Next time you run into a person whose clothes don’t match before you comment, maybe just think that maybe their baby threw up all over them as they were walking out the door and they had to change in a hurry. Maybe?

Let’s not be quick to judge others or ourselves. And let’s not be envious of others but instead let’s be grateful for each day we get to spend on this beautiful planet and for all the beautiful people we get to share it with.

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balancedwesomeness

Oh my goodness how true. And yet it is also quite confronting when you get to the state of awareness where you can recognise it…because you then look back at all the times you were in that negative space and think ‘woah…can’t believe I didn’t see it’. I do like this aware side far more however. Great post Ana.

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    Ana Hall

    Oh thank you muchly 🙂 x I think my biggest thing is seeing someone’s behaviour and thinking OMG that was me six years ago! I was like that! I’m so glad I’m not like that anymore….lol! Does that make sense?
    And thank you for reading my blog 🙂 x

    Reply
Amanda

well said thx for sharing. Time to accept everyone as they are who they are and what they choose to be. Its what makes the world go around.

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sharonaheartspaceinspired

Love, it, just love it xxx

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paulineferguson

Nicely said, we women waste so much time and energy competing with each other, and neutralising “threats” that is unnecessary. If we used that energy for cooperative ventures, just think how much we could achieve!!!

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Pamela

I just so totally love you! Loved this “I am at a stage in my life where I am very comfortable with who I am, I do not need or seek out others’ approval.” I am also at this stage and with a busy life friends get the bottom rungs of the priority ladder. In some ways I love the indifference however sometimes I miss that caring more made me want them more and the trimmings of approval. Love your blog!

Reply
    Ana Hall

    Thanks so much Pam! I love you too xxxxx Isn’t it great when you get to a point with your friends where they love you just the way you are and vice versa though? And you know that you don’t need their approval because they will love you regardless? And the time you do spend together can be spent on quality things, like drinking wine?

    Reply
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