When Prince Charming Turns Into a Toad
Now, when I refer to frog (as in my previous blog-Prince Charming) I mean one of those cute bright green tree frogs; but when I refer to a toad I mean one of those ugly poisonous ones.
So sometimes, when we think we found our Prince/Princess Charming we turn out to be wrong. And that is okay. It can happen for a number of reasons. Like you grew apart. Or you married a sociopath who completely changed as soon as you got married (trust me, it happens). Or you just wanted to get married because the clock was ticking and you wanted children. Whatever the reason may be, you ended up with a toad.
Now, the most important thing here is to get the hell out as soon as you realise this is the case. Why? Because life is short and you need to live it not be stuck in a relationship which is of no benefit to you.
Easier said than done, right?
There could be children involved, there could be abuse, financial issues, insecurity on your part that you could never make it “on your own” because you have become so dependent on this person. There are a million and a gazillion excuses. Whatever they are, they are still an excuse.
Staying in a relationship which does not work is disrespectful to yourself, the other person and everyone else involved.
To clarify, a relationship which does not work I define as being with someone who does not respect you (like, you make them dinner, serve it and they go “I’m not eating THAT”), someone who only notices you when they need something (what do you mean, you didn’t iron my shirt?), someone who does not support you (yeah my wife has a “business” but it’s really a hobby), someone who looks at you and doesn’t see you, someone who has become so different that it feels more like a flat mate arrangement than a relationship. It may not be that bad or it could be worse.
Anyway, the point is, get out as soon as feasible. Do not hang on in hope “things may change”. You know in your heart of hearts that they won’t. The only thing that can change is the choices YOU make. If you are not helping each other grow with love, then what is the point?
I have said it before and I will say it again, you do not owe ANYONE anything, you owe yourself EVERYTHING. And you owe yourself to be happy.
Especially when there are children involved. I feel that children learn by observing and they are also very emotionally sensitive. So if the adults are not getting along in any shape or form, the kids will pick that up. And what is worst of all is that they will grow up thinking that it is normal to be that way and they will seek a similar relationship. Do we want that for our kids? I didn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing because my child was living with both of her parents and I didn’t have that growing up so I thought I should suck it up and stay no matter what.
One day it dawned on me that my child was exposed (in one way or another) to every argument, all the yelling and shouting and the violence. I sat back and thought, hang on, perhaps it’s better to have two happy parents living apart then two miserable parents living together. DUH!
And I feel I should mention this. Clearly, a person who is happy within themselves finds no need to speak ill of others, however after a break up things are not very clear. So, if you have children and you have broken up with their parent, do not EVER EVER speak ill of the other parent. This applies either to the child or around the child where they can hear you. Do not argue with the other parent in front of the child.
Give your child the opportunity to make up their own mind. They are quite smart and will often surprise you with their powers of perception.
And even if the other person is a complete and a total arsehole, it is not your job to tell them or anyone else. Why?
Because that is their story. Let them have their very own story, it doesn’t concern you.
All you need to concentrate on is having a kickarse story of your very own.
Because you owe it to yourself, that’s why.