This post is about using people. And why you should.

Now, I know that we are all constantly bombarded by inspirational quotes and memes about how we should surround ourselves with like minded people. We should exclude toxic people from our lives. If we are the smartest person in a room, we are in the wrong room etc etc


But what about if we can’t? What if, for whatever reason, we are stuck with these people in our lives? People whom we would not normally not associate with, or choose not to associate with, but we simply have to? It could be an employee, an employer, family member, whatever. They are in your life and you have to deal with them; indefinitely or for a while, whatever.

I say, use these people. Use them for the lessons they have been sent to teach you.

Not saying you should like, be mean to them and selfish and stuff but use them to better yourself as a person and to grow. What a perfect opportunity! There is no getting out of it, you have to deal with it. So, instead of whinging about having to deal with them, instead of seeing it as a burden, how about focusing on the gift?

As my beautiful friend Llana says, you should find the “gift in the shit”. So, how do we do that and what “the” am I talking about?


Recognise the traits in that person that annoy you. Think about why that is. Is it because they are mirroring the traits about yourself you don’t like? Is it because you are not like that? Be grateful you are not like that. Thank them for showing you the way, either way.

Are you allowing this person power to “make” you react in certain ways? Understand once again, that YOU and only you, are in control of how you behave, what you say, how you act and how you feel. You cannot use any excuses you would like to, because they simply do not apply. You control you. End of story.

So perhaps, next time you are faced with a situation where you feel you might behave in a manner which is not beneficial to yourself and your personal growth; stop before reacting. Just stop. Breathe. Center yourself before responding in a rational and respectful manner.

You see, if you have got a hold of yourself and respect yourself enough, others will also. Once “they” realise that they cannot get the reaction out of you that they were hoping for and counting on, they will stop. (this may take a few times) Once they realise that the only way you will accept interaction is in a respectful manner, they will reciprocate.

This is damn hard, don’t get me wrong. It takes a lot of practice, a lot of fails but the most important thing you can do is make a conscious effort to start. Because once you do, it will always be present on your mind. When a situation presents itself, although you may still fly off the handle the first few times, you will be AWARE of it. You can only change things you have an awareness of.


Even if you just start off with recognising these situations first and then focusing on stopping and breathing. And once you can do that, then focus on your interaction. Practice, practice, practice… The beauty is that these kinds of people will always show up in your life so you will have an infinite number of opportunities to practice until it becomes second nature 🙂

Once it does become second nature, you are gifted with this wonderful sense of freedom. Why? Because you love you and everyone around you is aware of that; so even if they try to mess with you on any level, they will not succeed. Because you simply will not allow them to, because you love yourself too much to let them. You will have so much less stress and pain in your life and will be well on your journey to emotional freedom and health.


I could keep writing pages and pages about this but I think you get my drift.

So, go on and find the “gift in your shit”. Be a user. Thank the toxic people for showing up in your life and use them for target practice, lol!

And don’t forget that you deserve the best and you should always give yourself the best xxxxxx

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Simple to say, I do get the ideology behind the wise words, however it’s not always that easy to put into practice. Lennon’s Imagine comes to MInd!

    Ana Hall

    Thank you for taking the time to comment, Melinda 🙂
    You are absolutely correct,it can be damn hard! However, not many things worth doing are easy. We just have to take that first step, which can be scary yet empowering at the same time.
    Once we are aware of it, there is no turning back and we can only push forward. Because we are worth the effort.
    John Lennon was a legend and a great visionary; sometimes all it takes is one small action by one seemingly insignificant person to make a great change.
    Much love to you xx


Ana a great purposeful article. As Miss Amanda Foy says once we have awareness we then have a “response – Abiity” with the way we respond not react. You, my beautiful friend, are in inspiration.

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