To Gay Or Not To Gay

First of all, thank you my beautiful Belle, for sharing this article on the FB.

If you read it, you will see that it is a beautiful blog written by a mother of an infant boy to her future daughter in law. It is lovely and heartfelt and just gorgeous.

But it got me thinking, what if her son is gay?

Are we raising our children with a predisposition that they are straight? Is that the society norm? And if it is, then it truly is no wonder that it is to this day difficult for some straight people to accept the very existence of gay people.

I am only too well aware that as parents, we are told so many things about the right and wrong ways of raising our children. Of the “do’s” and the “don’ts”. All the well meaning advice. Kids don’t come with a manual, I get that.

As parents, we do the very best we know how when it comes to raising our children, but where do we learn that “how”? Do we allow our hearts to guide us or do we listen to the society a bit too much?

Do we say things like “oh look at little Timmy! He is such a little man! He will grow up to make some lovely girl a wonderful husband!” or “gee, look at little Mimmi! That dress is so pretty on her, she will make a gorgeous bride one day!”

We are pre conditioning our children into a behaviour where to be straight is the way to be, and anything out of that norm, needs to be “discussed”.

It is exactly same with racism. A person cannot control their sexuality anymore than the colour of their skin, eyes or hair.

When we judge (oh, so easily), we don’t stop and think of what it is like to be in that person’s shoes. (The person we are judging, that is.) How they are afraid to express who they are because discrimination is everywhere. Will their friends still like them? (well, yes if they are real friends) Will they lose their job? Will they get randomly beaten up and abused? What if that person was your child? Or your sibling? Or friend? Or whatever? Ultimately, that person is someone’s child.

So what I am saying is, as a parent, I am striving to raise my children with as much love as I can possibly give them so that they may grow into loving people. I have no control over whether they will play rugby (well, yes that I do, I don’t allow rough sports cause I can’t stand my babies to be hurt. Okay that’s a lie. I WISH they wouldn’t play contact sport because I don’t like to see them get hurt, but I WILL get over it), play the piano, dance in a cabaret, design space rockets, heal animals, write stories, turn into great cooks and I certainly have no control over their sexuality.

Society makes it hard to be “outside the norm”. Who is society? I am. And you are. We are the only ones who can change the “norm”. I don’t give a flying fuck if all of my five kids are gay but I sure as hell do not want them growing up in a judgemental, non-accepting society where they have to live in fear.

And it’s not just gay or homosexual. I am so ignorant (because it really makes no difference to me as to how I see people) but there are lots of different terms for non-straight people. I have been blessed to have a small glimpse and understand just how complicated it is to be a transgender person (love you, TravisJ) and I am probably insulting a whole lot of people here without meaning to, so I will stop.

What I am saying here is, we should not put OUR views onto our children. Raise them to ask questions so that they can make up their own minds. They are gifts, given to us for safe keeping and for loving. It is not our job to control them or make them into little “mini-me’s”. They are separate, independent, people with their very own identities. We should respect and nurture that.

Peace out

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Ana Hall

Thanks daughter. Love you (gay or straight 🙂 ) xxxxx

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Alison Laverty

It is a great post, Ana. A reminder not to conform to society but to ensure we guide them to discover life themselves. Ultimately, we form the future generation by the way we bring up our kids.

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    Ana Hall

    Thank you Alison, so much. You are exactly right. It is a great responsibility upon us but one we must tackle with great love xx

    Reply
maggiekateharris

Great blog, Ana. LGBT rights is an issue very close to my heart and I think it’s wonderful when parents will happily say that they don’t care whether their children are gay, straight, transgender or otherwise and simply care that they are happy. I hope that one day we’ll be living in a society where Ian Thorpe coming out is not front page news – because it is simply a non-issue and frankly, no one else’s business either way. Love is love.
Thanks for writing, I really enjoyed this. Such an important topic.

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Kathie Holmes

Well said Ana – I think we have one more generation to go before it will be a non issue whether someone likes males or females and will simply be the question of “are you in a relationship” not are you gay or straight. I wish I could say I’ll be hear for that time but I don’t think I will be but I certainly hope that in the not to distant future we realise that we are all the same, we all enter the world the same, we all go out in a box and it is really what’s in the middle that matters. The sooner we learn to love instead of judge the better the world will be.

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