Thorn in my side

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“Easy for you to say”.

Getting sooooooo sick of this comment!

I do not intend this to be an angry post but I am just getting a bit tired of this pattern that keeps happening, especially lately.

I have been blessed with good genes. I have been given a gift, I accept that gift, I say “thank you” and I make no apologies for it.

Firstly, I will not get into a debate here as to who it is that sets the standards as to what “good looks” actually are but let’s say that yes, I am good looking.

I like myself when I look in the mirror, I like my strengths as well as my flaws because they are all ME. I like dressing up and putting make up on and looking “pretty”.

But my looks do not define me. Not as a person or as a human being or as a member of society or as a parent or as a child or as a wife or as a friend.

I am a person on this life’s journey, searching for growth and becoming the best “me” I can be. I recognise that before I can help anyone else, I need to help myself. Before I can love anyone else, I need to love myself.

I am not saying that it is not nice to receive a compliment. Everyone appreciates a good compliment.

But to discount all that I am and all that I do, to dismiss me, because of the way I LOOK… that is not acceptable.

I could try and call it “judgement” and “discrimination” but I won’t. That is because I am not responsible for other people’s behaviour, only my own.

I am a person, just like everyone else, made up of stuff like bone, flesh, blood, organs, hair, skin and so many other things. I feel and think, just like everyone else.

I work really really hard at the things which are important to me and I am not a quitter. I follow my passion and purpose. I love my life and everyone in it. Every day, I strive to be the best human I can be. I try to instil values and ethics into my children and help them be all that they can be. I am a far cry from an air headed bimbo people like to think I am.

With this, what I am saying is, do not assume. Give credit where it is due.

Now that I have written all of this, I come to a realisation that on a deeper level, it really doesn’t matter to me so much; I find it one of those annoying things that I can deal with. But there are people out there who could be seriously impacted.

Do NOT judge a book by it’s cover.

Even if that cover is pretty and glossy, do NOT discredit what is written inside.

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paulineferguson

We do judge, though. We’re taught (or learn) that pretty = good, not pretty = bad. Attractive people cannot be serial killers, but old women with warts and unfortunate facial hair and maybe a bent back from working hard all their life can certainly be wicked witches. Young, slim, blonde and blue eyed girls must be princesses, chubby girls with glasses and frizzy hair will be nerds, who grow up to be librarians… Big, strong, attractive young men will grow up to become leaders, and smaller boys with glasses and a shy disposition will become either the scientist who is easily distracted and yet creates brilliance, or the evil scientist who invents a death ray and tries to take over the world before the (young, good looking, strong) super hero takes him out with suitably trite words of patriotism.

We’re raised on stories, we’re fed stories, we’re constantly given stories in our books, TV shows, advertisements, seminars, web sites etc. And because most of the successful ones follow the above patterns, if they DON’T follow the above patterns, they tend not be successful.

I reckon where most of us have issues with the world is because the real world doesn’t follow the patterns in the stories, and our brains have those patterns wired in. Those patterns are reinforced, so, obviously, pretty = good, but also quite possibly not terribly smart. Not attractive = bad, but quite possibly also vindictive. There are some people I’ve met who were pretty as children, this pattern was introduced to them, and, because they weren’t expected to develop interesting personalities or indeed brains, they didn’t. I don’t associate with them, because a good, intelligent conversation is very attractive. 🙂

Maybe we need to look at the stories, then? I’d welcome your thoughts. Because you’re a clever lady. 🙂

Reply
    Ana Hall

    We need to CHANGE the stories. I think “Shrek” does it really well. In the end, everyone expects Fiona to turn into the beautiful human princess, because surely that is her true self. But, NO!! She’s a green ogre!! yay! I don’t think we can change the past, we can only raise awareness and teach the future generations the real truth xxxxx

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