Smell them Roses!
Last night I was thinking about how fast the twins are growing up, because they are starting to talk and stuff, and how pretty soon I will not be able to do certain things with them because they will just be too big.
So, this morning, I spent a good few hours throwing them up in the air, kissing every inch of them, eating their yummy legs, arms and cheeks. Sure, they tried to run away but I am so much faster that them right now.
There is nothing like the belly/throaty chuckle coming from a child, nothing like it in the whole wide world.
When the nap time came, they were too wound up to settle and go to sleep (surprise, surprise) so they were taking turns in blowing raspberries on my tummy. Then they would lie back and I had to blow raspberries on their tummies. Then they were blowing raspberries on each other’s tummies.
After that, they stuffed a dummy in my mouth and only went to sleep when they were content that I was going to keep it in my mouth and not take it out.
Nine years ago, I did not do stuff like that. I was too busy being “busy”. Madison spent twelve hours a day in day care while I was “busy” trying to build a corporate career and I just had no time left. I tried to make up for it in many different ways but I just couldn’t find the right one.
I am grateful to her for being my “experiment” child because without having had her, I never would have known how to be a good mum. She has taught me all I know.
Yes, I feel bad about being a shit mum to her and it all could have ended up quite messy but she forgives me and she doesn’t hold it against me and she loves me and as a result she has a pretty cool mum now.
Unfortunately, kids don’t come with manuals and we have to learn as we go but I think along that journey both the parent and the child learn things. I used to think that I must have scarred Madison for life with all the stuff I did wrong. Now I know I did things wrong, but I didn’t at the time. With each child, I have learnt more and more about how do to this whole parenthood thing, so I guess in the end they all end up with the end product, which is kinda cool.
How do I know that I haven’t scarred Madison for life? Because I asked her.
So I think, at the end of the day, there is no use stressing or second guessing yourself about whether you are a good parent or not. At the end of it, you realise that you did everything right. Because you did your best and you always had your child’s best interests in your heart. That is all you can ever do and that is all that you can expect you to do.